I want to wear blue wings and soar

above the screaming

tantrums of today

I will take you with me

(hold you)

as we gaze down

upon whispery earth

at tiny beings

scuffling about

checking their clocks

and bank accounts


the life of a bird

who does not love so much

that it hurts






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I wish I was fine

It’s like my brain

is doing a freakin’ crime....


From a rap by a child, age 11


Back to School = Stress

Breathe. Breathe in, out. Be grateful for the rich green tones in the leaves, the warm blueness of the sky. Lose yourself in the moment.

And then... back to reality. School is starting in a couple of weeks and already the kids are getting stressed, particularly the one who was homebound for most of last year. He thinks he's going to go back full time and be successful but he can't even handle looking up the summer homework. With me by his side. 

We were supposed to have a CSE meeting to talk about all this. For once, maybe this child would even choose to come to the CSE meeting, especially if he wants his opinion heard (please, please, express yourself!) He seems to want to think that I want him home--whoa--so not! But what I do want is a plan to help him be successful. I want him starting school and I want him STAYING in school, not pulling out come October or November. 

A success plan is a quandary, even to me who knows him so well. I would suggest limiting classes but at this time, he doesn't choose to do that. I would suggest that the school suggests that but everyone apparently is on vacation. The CSE meeting we requested for end of July/start of August never materialized. And said child was pretty ill (again) so our attention was focused on the medical.

As is typical. Our attention is frequently focused on the medical, as opposed to the educational or the other child even, sometimes. We try, oh, we try. In fact, I'm PAYING the other child to do tutoring. I figured that if I had to dish out money for a tutor, we could be spending quite a bit weekly. But if I bought her a Starbucks drink and threw in a little cash, she would respectfully permit the teacher in the family to tutor her. It's Mommy-child time with a dash of reading comprehension and a splash of Greek and Roman roots. 

But the sicker child just keeps getting sicker. He seems to be able to tolerate ONE drop of Samento, but not two. He has finally permitted me to give him liquid medicine if I hide it in (virgin) strawberry daquiris. Thanks goodness for the Vitamix. I make enough for a few days. Quite honestly, it's only really good the first day! 

I love summer. I can get out and exercise all my woes away. I see friends frequently. I can escape THE HOUSE. I adore late summer nights, walking by the river, not having to wear a jacket.

Work isn't so bad. I love teaching and enjoy being creative. My focus on teaching prevents me from thinking of much else, until the students leave the room, so it's an escape. But I'm tired after the day and I have less ME time. I don't exercise enough. 

Then again, I feel like I haven't used my ME time well enough this summer. I barely blogged, never completed the blogs I started, and still, still, still haven't tried to salvage the book I started fifteen years ago. 

As my friend said, I'm dealing with a sick child. It all comes back to that. My child who's bigger than me (well, I think they both are now.) My child who needs my hugs so badly. If there's nothing else that's working yet for him, I know that hugging helps.

School supplies? Teachers and schedules? Waking up earlier? All that can be handled. A kid with Lyme who is setting himself up for failure because he wants to graduate high school in four years but can't handle stress? Oy.

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