I want to wear blue wings and soar

above the screaming

tantrums of today

I will take you with me

(hold you)

as we gaze down

upon whispery earth

at tiny beings

scuffling about

checking their clocks

and bank accounts


the life of a bird

who does not love so much

that it hurts






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I wish I was fine

It’s like my brain

is doing a freakin’ crime....


From a rap by a child, age 11


Lyme Drunk

OK, so, that title is false advertising because I have no plans of getting drunk tonight or any night. Perhaps I should entitle this "The Perils of Finding a Drink I Can Drink" or "Everything I Cannot Have at the Liquor Store."

Gone are the days of heading out with friends to a bar, gone are the days of dinner dates with the husband, gone are the parties. Life throws in strange twists for families with Lyme and PANDAS. But that doesn't mean I never want another drink. I know I can't handle that much (without feeling like falling asleep) but I still enjoy the taste of a grapefruity Sauvignon Blanc or the adventure of a new cocktail.

But life is complicated and while I should (they say don't "should" on yourself) avoid alcohol and sugar altogether, I don't. However, since I am pulsing Tindamax (an antibiotic that helps to break open the cysts and biofilms of Lyme so that the doxycycline can get in and make their kill), I cannot have alcohol for at least 72 hours after the last pill without the likelihood of vomiting. 

This leaves me one night during the week to have alcohol. I kind of missed that night for the first few weeks--didn't care, didn't plan, whatever. But for the last two weeks, the idea of a drink has permeated my brain.

Last week, I carefully plotted out the days of Tindamax so that I could have a drink on Saturday night. I had it all calculated...my husband and I would slip out of the house, leaving the kids contentedly watching TV, and go to a restaurant/bar for a date. Well, Saturday day came and the kids had a big argument. Oops. There was no leaving them alone. Saturday night came around and I just wasn't in the mood anyway. 

Another time, dear.

Sunday morning came along and so did the Tindamax. 

It figures that the time I most want a drink is during the work week, when I'm in the midst of Tindamax. Isn't this crazy, though? Planning medications around a planned alcoholic drink that I probably wouldn't care about if I weren't on medication that prevented me from having an alcoholic drink? 

Tonight was supposed to be THE NIGHT. My husband encouraged me to take a run to the liquor store and get the supplies. But trouble lay ahead.

I am gluten-free, dairy-free, agave-free, oat-free, green pepper-free, coffee-free. I might as well just drink air.

I was in such a mood for a whisky sour, that sweet, tangy, bitter drink. But whisky, I learned, has gluten. I love margaritas. But margaritas have tequila which is made from the agave plant and I tested sensitive to agave. I also tested highly sensitive to coffee (hence, no Kahlua,) dairy (bye bye all cream drinks,) and peppers.

Oops. I goofed. Dang it all. After a major consultation with the owner of the liquor store, who explained that some vodkas are potato based and others are grain based (and was super helpful,) I bought a mixer for Blood Mary. I neglected to remember or tell her that I was supposed to avoid peppers, though, so I bought the SPICY one! 

I will enjoy my one drink tonight. If I can stay awake long enough!

The day after: It was no big deal. I may as well have had a V8!

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